In Memoriam
Alexander Stephens Clay
Steve Clay passed away in Atlanta, GA on November 21, 2025 after a long illness. As remembrances, here are posted his obituary as well as two essays that Steve wrote on the occasions of two Yale reunions.
- Obituary, Atlanta Journal-Constitution
- Video of Steve's funeral service, Atlanta, GA
- Essay, 25th Reunion Book
- Essay, 50th Reunion Book
Obituary
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
November 30, 2025
Steve Clay
1964 Yale graduation
Alexander Stephens Clay IV "Steve" passed away on Friday, November 21, 2025 after a courageous battle with Parkinson's disease. Steve was born on October 23, 1942, in Atlanta, Georgia.
Steve attended E. Rivers Elementary School and The Westminster Schools in Atlanta before attending the Philips Exeter Academy in Exeter, New Hampshire for high school. He graduated from Yale University with a Bachelor of Arts in English in 1964. While at Yale, Steve was a member of the a capella group The Whiffenpoofs, as well as the Skull & Bones secret society. He earned his Juris Doctorate from the University of Virginia School of Law in 1967 where he was a member of the Law Review and graduated Order of the Coif. He later served as an adjunct professor there, teaching a course on ethics and litigation.
Steve Clay
2014 Yale Reunion Book
After law school and a two-year stint in Philadelphia, PA at the Schnader, Harrison, Segal & Lewis law firm, Steve returned to Atlanta with his young family and joined Kilpatrick & Cody (now Kilpatrick Townsend & Stockton LLP), a firm in which his father, Alexander Stephens Clay III, had been a founding partner prior to his untimely death in a plane crash in 1945 at the age of 39. Tragically, Steve's mother Sarah died in a separate plane crash known as the Orly Airport plane crash of 1962, a catastrophe that took the lives of over 100 Atlanta residents who were on a chartered trip to Paris organized by the Atlanta Art Association.
Steve practiced law at Kilpatrick for 48 years until his retirement in 2018. He served as Chairman of the Executive Committee for many years and guided the firm through its merger with Petree Stockton in 1997, the most significant merger for the firm in its history at the time.
Steve was a business litigator and trial attorney and loved being able to help his clients resolve complicated business and personal conflicts. Steve was an expert in international arbitration, serving as one of ten U.S. representatives on the International Chamber of Commerce Commission on Arbitration and as a member of the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators. He was often engaged to represent Fortune 500 corporations in high profile "bet-the-business" disputes.
Steve was also active in pro bono work and community service organizations focused on defending human and constitutional rights. Steve received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Anti-Defamation League of Atlanta in 2011 and was the founding Board Chair of the Georgia Appleseed Center for Law & Justice, an organization close to his heart. Steve was in the 2009 Class of Leadership Atlanta.
Steve was married to the love of his life Helen Harrison Straus "Henny" for 61 years. They met on the beach in 1962 during a weekend away from Yale, and Steve asked her to come see him sing with the Whiffenpoofs that night. [Note: Steve was singing with the Bachelors that year, not with the Whiffenpoofs until his senior year.] She accepted his invitation and saw him sing the solo in "Maria" from West Side Story. According to Henny, she fell in love right then and there.
Steve was an avid runner, and his name still remains on a plaque at Philips Exeter for his record-setting time in the 600-yard dash. He loved to play and watch sports and was particularly dedicated to his beloved Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, whom he began to follow as a child in Atlanta during their national-title-winning Bobby Dodd era. It was an unexpected devotion given that his own father had attended and even played football at Tech's arch-rival, the University of Georgia, but Steve's mother Sarah, who was intent on taking him to football games after his father's passing, found the local games at Georgia Tech more palatable than traveling all the way to Athens, hence his lifelong dedication to the Yellow Jackets.
Steve loved to travel, and he and Henny took many trips around the world, visiting England, Scotland, Italy, France, Switzerland, and Morocco together, among other destinations. Steve and Henny both loved dogs and had many during their life together. Steve loved cooking, and enjoyed fine dining, a cold martini, and a nice glass of wine. He was a quick wit, had an extensive and diverse music collection, and loved to read and write, with a personal library containing hundreds of the classics. He continued to sing throughout his life, and his children have fond memories of him singing them to sleep. He provided wise and empathetic counsel to his friends, family, and clients for many decades. When you came to Steve with a problem, you never doubted that you would receive his undivided attention and effort to help you find a solution.
More than anything, Steve loved to spend time with his wife Henny and their family, together hosting large reunions at the Clay household on holidays and regular family dinners throughout the year. He will be remembered for the many heartfelt, thought-provoking, and witty toasts, speeches, and prayers he delivered at these events, and for his generosity and open-door policy. He was the true patriarch, with unconditional love for everyone in the family. Notably, he was a source of love and stability for his three nieces following the untimely passing of his sister Sally in 1972, and throughout their lives.
Steve is survived by his wife, Henny; three children: Andrea, Alex, and Harrison; two daughters-in-law, Jessica and Chrissie; six grandchildren: Zander, Penn, Carter, Avery, Asher, and Lyle; and three nieces: Dollie, Alexa, and Sally. He was predeceased by his sister Sally and his granddaughter Grace.
A service will be held on Saturday, January 17, 2025 at 10:00am at the Cathedral of St. Philip to celebrate Steve's life. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the Georgia Appleseed Center for Law and Justice or The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research.
Funeral Service
January 17, 2026
Steve's funeral service was held at The Cathedral of St. Philip in Atlanta GA, Steve's long-time home town. The Officiant was The Reverend Canon David E. Boyd III, and the Preacher was The Reverend Margaret F. Harney.
The Yale Class of 1964 was represented in person by Sam Francis, Jon McBride, and Keith Huffman, who can be seen in the video sitting in the front row to the right of the aisle.
Remembrances were spoken by the following family members, beginning thirteen minutes into the service:
- Alex Clay, son
- Andrea Clay, daughter
- Alexa Seip, niece
- Harrison Clay, son
- Penn Clay, grandson
Here is the video of the service.
Essay, 25th Reunion Book
by Steve Clay
May 1989
I always have wanted to have more than one life, not because I didn’t like the life I had, but because so many different lives appealed to me, different careers, different lovers, different places to live — being rich, being not rich — not being absolutely poor, but poor enough to be free of having or wanting or being responsible for things. At 45, married to the same woman to our mutual satisfaction most of the past 24 years, a lawyer for 21 years, 18 in the same law firm, and living only a mile and a half from the house where I grew up, I still think anything is possible. Indeed, the most exhausting and distracting aspect of my life is that I have too many choices to make.
Trial lawyers, and that is what I am, are not really very good at making choices in their own lives. We direct dramas (reserving a crucial role for ourselves) which ultimately impose on others — judges or jurors — the responsibility of making a decision. All of our skill, all of our intensity and creativity are devoted to persuading the decision maker to our view — or rather, our client’s view — of the appropriate result. Our satisfaction is derived less from actually obtaining a just result than from presenting the questions effectively, so that justice might be done. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is not. Often, it is unclear.
I am not as satisfied as I once was with being merely persuasive, with presenting my case in the most effective manner, with acting my own role well. I want to make some choices, the usual ones, about time, place, people, and money. As I move toward that end, I realize that fundamental decisions require substantial self-knowledge, and that reliable self-knowledge is elusive. Stated somewhat differently, the man for whom anything is possible probably doesn’t know himself very well. People who make persuasion their life may not have convictions.
I am trying, then, to be more convinced than persuasive, and to limit my possibilities. In the process, I read fewer novels and much more poetry, including the very good poems published by our classmate Syd Lea. Novels seem to me so much like lawyers, always arguing their point of view. Poems more often seek to reveal than to persuade. Plus, they come in skinny volumes that fit into my briefcase.
I like my life. My wife looks great and is funny, my children are much different than I expected but are interesting and living and able to take care of themselves. I’ve had a lot of adventures, and I have several friends whom I love and who love me. There are many things I don’t know yet, about myself and about other things, but I’m optimistic. I’m not wise, but I haven’t given up yet. In ten more years, perhaps I’ll have something to tell you that you don’t already know.
Essay, 50th Reunion Book
by Steve Clay
May 2014
Clancy Ridley and John Wilbur were treasured friends, Clancy all my life, John the past 51 years. They were your friends, too. They both loved life, Yale, and Yale reunions, and we do and will continue to miss them. I lift a glass to their memory, to the sight of their smiles, to the sound of their laughter, and to their wonderful bullshit stories.
In their honor, and in honor of all those lost since we were last together, let’s put aside serious and somber concerns with which we are all familiar but about which we can do little; we are not going to resolve those concerns this reunion weekend.
Instead, let’s laugh, dance if we can, sing from our hearts, drink immoderately, and go to bed early. Let’s tell old stories and new, unconstrained by the truth. Let’s celebrate this moment and our presence in it, and above all, let’s celebrate those we love.
“We meet again tonight, boys, in mirth and song ... let memories flow ...”